Draft Saved 4 Years Ago

My stomach is killing me, I have swollen eyes due to excessive crying of watching Saving Private Ryan and The Vow consecutively, sucking F.G. Troches day and night for having a minor sore-throat but refuse to stop smoking or drinking OBH, contemplating the possibility of graduating on April 2013, non-stop admiring of how cute Suri Cruise and my cat are.

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The Revealing

You both are the most interesting, lovely yet peculiar. I want to delve every inch of each of your body, every piece of each of your mind, your obsession, hatred, make final assignment about how to satisfy your needs and make you impressed, and get Master’s degree on the study of your lives. The only Master ever lived. I want to be a fly on each of your wall.

If you know how obsessed I am with both of you, you would look at me with your beautiful judging eyes and run away, hand in hand, with your delicate moves.

Habitual Idle Time

Skimming words in milliseconds to estimate their sum.

Odd, jackpot*! Got the middle, the next milliseconds.
Even, divide it into two, got two middles, the next milliseconds.

Not at all productive but it just milliseconds, then I’m ready to function (or repeat).

*in the parallel universe with other sadistic self cutting people’s body parts and boiling them in large boiling pan while caressing my furry friend, winning a lifetime achievement.

Citer Du Jour

To me, making a tape is like writing a letter — there’s a lot of erasing and rethinking and starting again. A good compilation tape, like breaking up, is hard to do. You’ve got to kick off with a corker, to hold the attention (I started with “Got To Get You Out Of My Mind”, but then realized that she might not get any further than track one, side one if I delivered what she wanted straightaway, so I buried it in the middle of side two), and then you’ve got to up it a notch, or cool it a notch, and you can’t have white music and black music together, unless the white music sounds like black music and you can’t have two tracks by the same artist side by side unless you’ve done the whole thing in pairs and… Oh there are loads of rules.

Nick Hornby, from his High Fidelity, on making a mixtape. I remember reading this quote when I was making one as a birthday present for my boyfriend (which I’m 100% sure he hasn’t listened to it yet :p). Helped me a lot and I was satisfied with the result, but it was indeed not an easy job so I can’t really imagine doing it for anybody I love less, unless of course, I’m getting paid for it.

You Don’t Have to Feel Sorry About the Bad Handwriting, Love

Always being too sentimental about things I got from other people, I cried myself the last 3 days because I couldn’t find the CD case containing the Le Fabuleux Destin dAmélie Poulain film that I got on my 19th birthday from the mighty Corporal deadpatriarch_07 with cute handwritten note that is not the like of him for most of the time :p, anywhere in my room. Moreover yesterday I just got a tiger hat (with eyes! and tail!) also from him that made me even sadder because I lost his previous gift. The sadness even greater than when I lost my cellphone couple of times as an irresponsible teenager or when I lost my bag along with my wallet, iPod, and my always-complete-and-tidy lecture notes for the current semester only two days before the hardest exam. Inane material things, I always think, that when I lose some I’ll definitely gain some more which always makes me always able to keep my cool every time I lose my belongings.

But the case is different when it comes to things that people gave to me with consideration that I’ll like it very much, especially when I didn’t ask for it, or especially when the person who gave it was the least expected (I’m sorry but it’s a good thing that I don’t expect much from you, no?). I cried from thinking that I couldn’t see it anymore, and that I didn’t want to lie about losing the gift but I also didn’t want to see his disappointed face, and that I could never get an exact similar gift anymore. I couldn’t even sleep well (or is it because of the fever?).

Fortunately after fighting with my little brother for him being a bad roommate placing papers and clothes haphazardly all over the room that boosted my stress level and seemingly endless searching inside my older brother’s stacks of PC games, PS2 games, movie DVDs (which incinerated my desire to have my own place, greater than ever), I finally found the CD case along with my unwatched Star Wars DVDs that has been disappeared for months! Yeay! So happy! I promise I won’t lose it again!

Now please excuse me because I need to continue my pilgrimage to be a better girlfriend for I still got a long way to go to meet the Force.