Repeat Rewind

I almost forgot the joy of talking to myself. Not afraid of responds from others because it’s just me. Like writing a diary which I no longer do because I’ve grown too lazy to write in a book and due to trauma when my previous lover was happened to have a peek on it. Total nightmare. Not that I was being unfaithful back then, but diary is something that never meant to be read by anyone. I haven’t even re-read my diary since then.

It helped me being less labile. I could write ‘I love you’ as much as I want without being such sore in people’s eyes. I want to explode. Really. I want to scream ‘I love you’ from the top of my lungs, but I’m afraid that someone else would hear me. This is boring, but I might repeat to myself slowly and soothingly, until the words ‘I love you’ make no sense.

I won’t stop until you don’t want me to love you anymore. Even if you ended up not wanting me to, maybe I’m obsessed enough to spam those words everywhere I wanted to, secretly.

Gosh, should’ve really just wrote this on a diary.

Protège-Moi

I, both literally and figuratively, really can’t stop thinking about you.
Can’t stop wanting for you to make me feel miserable.
Can’t stop myself for being extremely happy because of you.
Can’t stop being reckless, careless, shameless.
As if nothing ever matters.

Argh I feel cheesier every day! Put me in a burger already! Or just take me outside the country!

By the way, I am dying to know what does this song mean, what were you trying to say, because it was thrown out at our hard time, you know, yeah have a good night sleep.

Sidang Tugas Akhir

A sentence someone; who I don’t even know and who doesn’t even know me, but I’m pretty sure we recognize each other’s face and name; said, not directly, not very convincingly, but I’m pretty sure it’s pointed towards me, has struck my mind. I don’t think he meant to give me answers for all of my hatred, my insecurities, and the words were not even a nice thing to be said to a girl.

But it is the only thing that finally give me reason not to care,
to find my optimism back,
to have the courage to spit on someone’s eyes,
while I know,
I’m not even willing to stretch my face muscles only to spit on someone’s eyes,
it’s too tiring,
and I’m too busy living and loving.

Thank you very much, dear cute-bastard-whom-I-know-your-name-but-I’m-not-interested-in Sir. You’re my unsung hero (for at least these last few weeks).

Grimly

I never really understand about the phrase “i love you, you love me back, but we’re not meant to be” ketika itu diucapkan oleh pasangan yang tidak terhalang tradisi, agama, ataupun ditentang orang tua. Kalimat paling omong kosong.

Building a relationship has never been that complicated. Kalo lo mau ya hubungannya bakal ada, dan kalo hubungannya tidak ada maka sederhananya lo memang tidak menginginkan adanya hubungan itu. Jadi berhentilah sok bijak dan jangan banyak alasan.

And I’m not saying this to any particular “you”. This is just random, like usual.

Kalau ada yang tidak setuju silahkan mencoba membuat saya menarik kata-kata diatas, tapi pastikan argumennya tepat.

Strive for the Best

Lame internet connectioooooonnnn. All I can do with this old lady are signing in to the messenger with no purpose and keep refreshing my m.tweete every five minutes, with no purpose either. But what to do, anyway? It took me all day just to open my e-mail, and I was not even succeeded to do it yesterday. Trying so hard to add a new post although I barely have an anything to notified here because this is just another attempt to sharpen my dull grammar.

Yeah you right. I’m pressing my luck too much that it finally chucked me up.

Oh the Almighty, please spare this conceited-big headed lass’ life and stop her from experiencing too many major setback, eh? Don’t You think she feels useless enough?

And one thing, she sends You the best gratitude for giving her that “butterfly in her stomach” feeling (again). Though it seems to be one-sided love, which she had enough of it in junior-senior high time, she’s still that dumb to feel happy about it. So, thank You.

Pissed

You see. I am a happy person. but i tell you guys. Please do not play around with my matter. It is not that funny.

And moreover, the source of difficulty, is the one who really should not be laughing over the problem, especially when THE problem is related to many people, so you are not the only one who suffer the agony ;).

hahaha how human nature that want to make themselves feel better is always predictable. I really hope you are all blessed with the bliss folks! :) love you! (bigheart)