People are Strange, When You’re a Stranger

This morning I unconsciously talked to myself for the 62718166181907th time while walking to the toilet from my lab, and then when I was back to my consciousness and thought about what I’ve been doing, I stopped walking and talked more loudly, “Fuck, why am I so weird?” with my eyebrows furrowed.

I mean, normally I would not care because I enjoy the loud conversation between myself, I argue, I give a statement and break it myself and give another statement until it tires me, because I suppose everybody does the same. Only lately for I get more comfortable with everybody around me, I found myself doing weird things and having audiences made me realize how weird it is in other people’s eyes. It was weird, and it was not always lovely.

I mean, when a person is, just call it, a ‘freak’, normally s/he ought to have the ability to just be a freak and doesn’t give any fuck to the outcome of his/her actions (for certain extent, and it’s always relative). Which makes a ‘normal’ person is having less problem at giving attention to other things (or people), because his/her default is relatively ideal, no excessive effort needs to be done to blend into the society. This way, I think, is the only way to make it seems less stressful, because everybody can just do what they do and don’t care about what they don’t need* to care.

Which takes me to this following conclusion. Unfortunately, what sometimes makes me feel uncomfortable about myself though, is, my true nature and the amount of fuck I give to things, they, don’t go hand in hand.

Which might make you find me doing strange things and curse myself after, and when it happens, will you please kindly just walk by and act like you don’t see me?

*because everybody just has to be mature enough to know that what we want is not invariably what we need.

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“Why do we scream at each other?”

Too relevant. I’m impressed, Rogers Nelson (with the least gay-ish picture I could find of him, not that I mind).

When Doves Cry – Prince

(click here for the audio)

Dig if you will the picture
Of you and I engaged in a kiss
The sweat of your body covers me
Can you my darling
Can you picture this?
Dream if you can a courtyard
An ocean of violets in bloom
Animals strike curious poses
They feel the heat
The heat between me and you
How can you just leave me standing?
Alone in a world that's so cold (So cold)
Maybe I'm just too demanding
Maybe I'm just like my father too bold
Maybe you're just like my mother
She's never satisfied (She's never satisfied)
Why do we scream at each other?
This is what it sounds like
When doves cry
Touch if you will my stomach
Feel how it trembles inside
You've got the butterflies all tied up
Don't make me chase you
Even doves have pride
How can you just leave me standing?
Alone in a world so cold (World so cold)
Maybe I'm just too demanding
Maybe I'm just like my father too bold
Maybe you're just like my mother
She's never satisfied (She's never satisfied)
Why do we scream at each other?
This is what it sounds like
When doves cry
How can you just leave me standing?
Alone in a world that's so cold (A world that's so cold)
Maybe I'm just too demanding (Maybe, maybe I'm like my father)
Maybe I'm just like my father too bold (Ya, know he's too bold)
Maybe you're just like my mother (Maybe you're just like my mother)
She's never satisfied (She's never, never satisfied)
Why do we scream at each other (Why do we scream, why?)
This is what it sounds like
When doves cry
When doves cry (Doves cry, doves cry)
When doves cry (Doves cry, doves cry)
Don't Cry (Don't Cry)
When doves cry
When doves cry
When doves cry
When Doves cry (Doves cry, doves cry, doves cry)
Don't cry
Darling don't cry
Don't cry
Don't cry
Don't cry

Intertwine

As each place is giving us each of their own memories, making others seem less significant at times yet equally important, should I feel guilty for constantly reminiscing, making memories that I currently form seems less significant?

Should I, want you to feel guilty of memories we currently form?

Is it cruel to feel guilty, as it selfishly intended to erase the rest of the memories, apart from what we and only we have together?

The memories we make, they, are memories so important to be currently significant,
but do they have to be the only one?

Habitual Idle Time

Skimming words in milliseconds to estimate their sum.

Odd, jackpot*! Got the middle, the next milliseconds.
Even, divide it into two, got two middles, the next milliseconds.

Not at all productive but it just milliseconds, then I’m ready to function (or repeat).

*in the parallel universe with other sadistic self cutting people’s body parts and boiling them in large boiling pan while caressing my furry friend, winning a lifetime achievement.

Vacant

I’m getting bitter and I don’t like it.
I’m exhausted for attempts, and it should never turned out this way.
There’s no longer room for excitement and grace because the well has run dried.

It’s such a shame to grow up.

I don’t want to be one of the people I detest.