Convo

He : lo tau ga sih kalo selama ini orang-orang itu menganggap lo sebagai orang yang sangat jauh dan unreachable?
He : dan tiap gw ngobrol bareng mereka lalu ngomongin lo, rasanya kayak ngomongin suatu myth
He : makanya tuh tiap lo muncul, mereka heboh kan
She : haha iya
She : gw sepertinya memang sedang menempatkan diri gw di mata orang-orang pada tahap itu
She : tahap di mana gw cukup dekat untuk tidak dilupakan, tapi cukup jauh untuk ga di-take for granted
She : it just happened naturally
She : to make me feel safe
She : and maintain the level of my distrust

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Beauty is beauty, whether it’s black or white. Yellow or green baby, you know what I mean. What if Picasso only used one color? There shouldn’t be a rule how to choose your lover.

— Gwen Stefani’s Long Way To Go in her album Love.Angel.Music.Baby. Very good evocation for the moments you started to think you need to whitened your skin with chemicals or roast it under the sun to get tan.

Alpha Veta : Awal Dari Akhir

I love reading, since forever, I think. Kind of bluffing but I was able to read alphabets earlier than most of my friends in pre-school, which is why the queen mother decided to put me in elementary school faster (I think most girls have this kind of tendency, no?). Unfortunately as I grew up, I read less. It seemed like the social life has pull my interest more than those pile of papers containing  words that used to coddled me so much, along with the early 90’s music from the NOW compilation my old man used to play while our family traveled with road vehicle to quite far away places. Sweet old times. I remember the first track is the famous Mmmbop from Hanson followed by Spice Girls’ Two Become One, then comes the Bee Gees! Oh, I forgot the title, maybe you could enlighten me? Though speaking of social life, I barely can say that I have one. After graduating from senior high, maybe. I was one of the weirdos that get left behind, well not too far behind ’cause I’m learning, perhaps I still am one of them? I’d rather think I still am. I used to care about me being left behind, but now the attention’s descending, as I realized the potential I have is I’m really great when I’m on my own with lot of time to think, to talk to myself and look weird in front of my brothers, to act, to dance, to write, to be an architect building a house for one made of blanket and stack of pillows then moronically get heaped up by the structure and be ecstatic for it. I can be everything, not in the real world and its relation with other people.

There goes the uncontrollable nostalgic murmur.

But for as far as I remembered, I never put off my love for reading. It still there in the corner of my heart, buried with love for Donald Duck quite long before Spongebob took my attention and my mom decided that I was old enough to read GADIS, they’re a little bit dusty and broken that it took some time to make them shine, but hey, they’re with me again! Kind of the reason I’m writing this post.

There’s this book that affect me so much, that I would love to read over and over, but I can’t seem to find it anywhere which is frustrating. Maybe I can buy it online? That’s nearly not feasible because I’m a retarded at online shopping stuff, or maybe I’m too fat (?) to make a move and try new stuff as shopping on the line. Not too fond of shopping, though, always seems to wanting everything and ended up buying nothing. A great habit for the content of my Mont Blanc wallet that I didn’t even bought it myself, it’s inherited by my not-so-little-anymore brother.

“Gosh, please be focus on what you want to write at the first place, easily distracted self.”

Okay.

What was I discussing earlier? Oh, this book called Alpha Veta by Sulung Haryanto, a writer graduated from Geological Technic major in Padjadjaran University. To learn more about him, click here.

Alpha Veta

I remember reading this when I was in senior high school, it belongs to one of my best friend, if I’m not mistaken, who share the same interest on reading with me.

For short review, this is a science fiction novel (which you can see clearly from the cover) that tells us the situation of the earth when the judgement day -the small one, you can barely say it- arrived, from an Indonesian female journalist point of view, with a bit of romance and Islāmic touch. But don’t worry, this is not one of a religious literature. I read it with a heartbeat, to explain how interesting this book really is. You’ll get both the thrill and the compassion, by how you’ll pity the people who died, who lost their families, and the people who struggled to keep alive by using any way needed even sacrificing strangers who they met because he saved their life earlier from collapsing buildings. Really sharp.

If you don’t mind some spoilers, click here.

Damn, writing this post makes me want to read it again more. So where’s this my old best friend contact, again?

Help?

I’m at the end of my teen age. Say, I have less than one year to be legally labile and act oh-so-childish while spoiling everyone around just because they’re older than me. Been trying not to, really.

But what I’m trying to say is, I think I have some sort of self-identity crisis that I’m struggled with, here, at the time written.

I feel like I know myself no more.

I forget how am I supposed to react for certain events.
Like, I break my own principle by doing bad things I used to hate so much, or making a big fuss of small things that I used to ignore.

The cause is probably my old self seems not big enough for the world, while the new one -the bright, brilliant, and the beneficial- isn’t ready yet to pop out and blinded people’s eyes. But does that such type of my other self really exist?

For the sake of my operation’s scar and my desire to have lots of piercings, when will I stop asking questions and start answering them myself instead?

“But I’ll go crazy if I keep those thoughts and questions in mind, remain unanswered. I won’t let you seize my sanity, you selfish self-centered bitch!”

Fucking dependant idiotic brat, you are.

Wait, am I started to arguing with myself just now?

Hm, psychologist/wise old man/psychiatrist/sensitive people/alienist/anyone, would you help me find myself?

Pretty please?