You have the authority to call yourself impulsive, starting from this day. Independent, also.


Lecture Hall Can Be a Playground

No dislocation movement, no slip, therefore no deformation.

— my physical metallurgy don, Akhmad A. Korda, said this line while explaining Slip and Dislocation Movement in metals.

Then somehow, my easily-distracted imaginative mind try to apply this in romantic relationship manner, and it is relatively true, as it should be. Translating it to non-alien language, it looks like he’s saying : with no coercive mindset, no feud, therefore there will not be any distinction or complication on an amour.

Notwithstanding, like about 10 minutes later, he continue,

Without dislocation, the steel shaft will be broken in brittle manner. In this case, metals cannot be formed.

Wow now, sir, you cannot be that incredibly witty for giving me philosophical education be in conformity with the concept of stiff and strengthening metal alloy, can you?


Now I’ll surely remember 2010 as the most memorable year as long as I live. Not that it’s my greatest year, nor the year where I get the most award, nor the year where I get famous all of a sudden for my work. I could say I’ve been changing a lot this year, like really lot, and 2010 is not even over yet.

I get really happy both really sad. I gain a lot of weight while losing a lot more before.

I learn how to deliver what’s on my mind properly. I learn not to afraid of people and stop being so insecure. Most important, I finally learn how to let go of my really beautiful childhood. Start to accept that it won’t come back ever, that the family will never be the same again, that the blood-line can never be that dependant anymore, and start to realize that I can only hang on my self to survive and do things my way.

The year when I realize, that I could get real careless of my religion (e.g : I’m not using hijab and not feeling guilty, yet), but I will never be an atheist for I still can’t stand the thought of me leaving MY God (yeah, MY God, I’m really possessive and obsessive of Him like I could kill anyone just by staring at him if he dare says bad things about MY God). The year when I be conscious of how much I love Him, and I mean so much –maybe infinitely– that if only He is visible and touchable I really want to hug His arms or belly tight and never let Him go, stare at Him until my eyes actually burned, and sleep with His caress over my head every night. I do love Him that much, because most of the time that I have trouble, He is the only one that I talked to and even cried to at the end of my daily prayer.

Ha. I know. It doesn’t make any sense when I say I love God very much but at the same time I’m very aware that I’m not applying His teachings well. Let’s just see it the way you don’t always follow your mom’s command but you know you love her best and that the fact where her one-and-only baby girl start to smoke cigar is still the least thing you want to let her know.

I feel very grateful for everything that happened before I post this nonsense, the best and the worst, and so excited about what’s coming up next for me! Uh oh I know suicide is such a bad idea.

Answers Will Be Gladly Accepted

Does it called cheating when you keep reminiscing your past relationship?

Does it makes you less faithful that you keep thoughts you know inappropriate yet you still think about it often enough?

Do you can endure being in a relationship of which you know your lover still revere his/her past lover so much?

Are you selfish enough to compare this person to others while you can’t stand the idea of you being compared to other people?


How much time do you think you need to start a brand new relationship, completely untrammeled from the past, the impossible-to-forget past where you used to put all of your faith in those moments, which the faith is the very sincere one with no hesitation of making the moments to last forever?

And knowing that there’s no way you can go back to the past,
how much time do you think you need to have the courage and be strong enough to start all over again, with completely different significant other?

Gratitude Alex, Kevin, and Sam

Beauty is overrated. Shrewdness is overrated. Hm what else, charm and coolness, love also.

Maybe I’m just losing the hype, but heck, everything temporary is overrated.

Got few notes to self :

  • Never lose focus on God
  • Stop comparing
  • Just be an Alexandra, not a plastic one, nor the one made from other’s experience. And you really know what I mean by saying this sentence, okay, let others guess, but YOU know and YOU should stop.

Aaah. All of a sudden life seems to be so much prettier, no? ;)