Frightened by You, Dear

I am not the nicest person on earth nor the most innocent girl you’ve ever known. I do sin. I very much envy people who are better than me in everything. It’s not that amusing to see someone else’s happy while I’m in pain and it’s KILLING me when I have to keep smiling for their happiness.

But at least I tried. I tried to compensate the things I’ve done wrong, if only you’re elated to tell me which part of my impudence that really annoys you. I am sorry darling. I really do. Though it’s not really distressing me to see everyone else have troubles, I cannot  just sit still while I know that it is me that troubling you. Does it something that I have done? Or it is just because my existence? You tell me, please. And I am not being emo here, hehe, just trying to be realistic. Well truth always hurts, don’t you think?

I post this just so you know that I am trying really hard to know myself. I am so sorry if it shows that I have the negative thoughts about you, maybe I do. I want to throw away that negative thoughts you know, because swear to God I do really care about you. Let us make same assumption that I am trying really hard to be a better person for you here. Those anonymous posts in your blog and twitter, I really can’t hold myself to think that you’re teasing me. I deem you as one of my best friends so I want to make this clear whether I am being too negative or I am really that bad from your point of view. Please dear, I am very much frightened by you for a quite long time now.

‘(

I’m tired. I’m bored. No human being in this freaking universe got the picture of what I feel and what I’ve been going through.

Worst, maybe no one even try.

If you’re a stranger, it’s normal. If you’re just one of my acquaintances, it can be understood. But if you’re the one who planned to be beside me forever till death tear us apart, and yet you’re not trying to see a problem from my point of view, there’s a big question mark behind the phrase ’till death tear us apart’

Everyone, how could you judge me in unilateral manner? If I’m such a weird person, then just leave me alone and shut those brutal words.

Stab me with a knife, starve me to death, and I’ll do nothing for revenge.

You say you love me, you say you care for me, but you make me cry then feel satisfied when we argue, and there will be no bigger grudge that I ever bear than this feeling.

Call me medusa, call me bitch, call me whatever suits you well.

But then again, why would anyone even have to try?